Oh father…that trick always works

Tomorrow June 1st….I was in Germany all last June so that’s 11 of the last 12 months here….swell….I think I should have a one year party…or something….

white n nerdy just came on….”fluent in java script as well as Klingon”….”Only question I find hard is do I like Kirk or do I like Picard”

So Jeff (dad) had a small spill on his bike last Friday night…It was a bit funny and is rather etched in my head for some reason…so normally when dad rides his bike it’s like the scene from Butch Cassidy n the Sundance Kid. Large high speed out of control circles (in the pedestrian areas….small children and animals be damned…)
however after wine at Fressgasse, dinner at the Indian restaurant with the saffas, sanne and I dad decided to see how slow one could possibly ride a bike….the answer is something like 10 meters per minute. Problems happen when dad panics because cars are driving up behind him (dad decided to ride in the street)….when cars drive up behind him dad panics and turns his wheel 90 degrees….at normal speeds this might work, but at 10 meters per minute dad ends up breaking his bike and falling all over himself….however since it was only himself in jeopardy it seemed that noone was rushing to help him….
luckily the car waited for him to limp his broken bike and himself off to the side of the street…..we did minor surgery on the sidewalk and now alles klaaar….

ramblings

So it’s some religious holiday today so Hessen is closed down. My building is empty. It seems the whole inner city empties out on bank holidays.
luckily (***) over in the square there’s some religious americans singing…great…who’s bright idea was it to spend money bringing over americans to sing to the asian tourists in the square….money well spent. Why don’t you send them to Eng a lund or something…

Other things I learned this week….
Hammocks rock!!!!
Little Timmy is the greatest player in Europe…and he’s not a donkey.
Italians only play football to dry their greasy hair.

I only know 3 words…

Got one text today with the words “unfortunately”, “admittedly” and “counterproductive”…someone’s thumbs have too much free time…
I now believe that counterproductive is probably the longest word I know.

More random pics of my climbing on statues…someday I’ll make a whole page of me climbing on statues for easy access

Got one text today with the words “unfortunately”, “admittedly” and “counterproductive”…someone’s thumbs have too much free time…
I now believe that counterproductive is probably the longest word I know.

More random pics of my climbing on statues…someday I’ll make a whole page of me climbing on statues for easy access

eternal questions.

Sometimes I think of things I need to write here and then when I’m here I can’t remember them…so I started emailing myself random sentences from work so I could remember stuff later…unfortunately they don’t make sense…kind of like the notes we make at the pub…

So here’s some random statements I emailed myself this week. I think I was thinking that all I would need is one sentence and I could expound from memory, but it’s probably just better if I do one sentence…

I like tomato and mozzerella sandwiches now!
I’m forever living in the shadow of Chuck Norris…
modern management is nothing more than negotiating…
Asking a US Soldier how many civilians he’s killed is a perfectly legitimate question…
Sometimes I look like a dork
Sometimes I look so american

Actually those last two aren’t mine, but I can conclude that I all the time look like a dorky american…

mundanity

So as promised and because this page is really about as mundane as one could possibly be…

kohnlensaure….In the states noone gets water with gas (bubbles) in it, but in Germany it’s typical to get water this way. This is because in Germany they don’t give you tap water, they only give you overpriced bubbly water which is what everyone is used to. So at work we have a choice of plain filtered water and bubbly filtered water, but right now the bubble maker is empty or something, so when you try to get bubbly water it basically comes out plain….Now that I’m used to bubbly water and prefer it this really seems to piss me off that I have to drink plain water now…apparently we have to call facilities or something to get new gas for our water machine. However since I only know 5 words of Deutsch (entlein, elche, kugelshreiber, heute, bier) I am unable to communicate with the facilities man and will instead suffer in silence….(side note…does complaining here count as suffering in silence???)
I probably did not spell one of those words correctly…someone please check my homework….

Indians (people from Indiana) HATE bubbled water (kohlensaure…oh that’s 6 words) with a passion….we’ve had visitors from India and some colleagues in the office and they ALWAYS drink plain water…what’s that about….If only I knew a way to piss of people from Indiana I would do it…just kidding…I have many friend form Indiana….Milind, Anuj….uhhhh……..Essen…..

I think at some point today I actually had something to say…but it’s pretty much all gone now…after sitting with Matt on the balcony all night my brain no longer works…time for sleep.
why did we eat Burger King tonight….I wasn’t even hungry…

Someone elses cigar

So singer Phil says Matisyahu is ripping off Sublime. Phil also says it’s OK to smoke someone elses half smoked cigar.

Who Dat!!!

WHO RANG MY DOORBELL at 5:30 this morning???? I was already awake so it didn’t matter, but I’m guessing some combination of Kat, Russian Vladdi, Cora, and Wil. Of course I ignored it and it went away…

Beautiful day today. Kind of humid at the moment.
I love Sundays!!! no stress…No shopping…I like that the stores are closed on Sundays. I don’t even mind the church bells going off at noon on Sundays…

Black is not a colour

What kind of idiot throws a banana in their garbage can when they know they only take out trash once every two months…
noone I know…

I feel vindicated…it’s OK to wear a black shirt with brown pants…Just as I suspected all along…black is not a color.

I took a family guy character quiz (which family guy character are you?)
when I left it was no question the best show on TV…

It’s a tie!

You are part Peter. You are fat and dumb. You probably spend a lot of time watching TV and drinking, but that isn’t a bad thing.
You are part Quagmire. There’s only one word for people like you: Pervert.

Nick Cave

Shortest occupation ever!!!

Last night listening to Nick Cave outside until I was shaking from the cold. Only to repeat this morning…
For once I was glad my flat has an overheating problem (normally way to hot in here).
People say his lyrics are depressing, but I don’t think so. I think they’re lovely.

My Funeral
I am a crooked man
And I’ve walked a crooked mile
Night, the shameless widow
Doffed her weeds, in a pile
The stars all winked at me
They shamed a child
Your funeral, my trial

A thousand Marys lured me
To feathered beds and fields of glover
Bird with crooked wing cast
It’s wicked shadow over
A bauble moon did mock
And trinket stars did smile
Your funeral, my trial

Here I am, little lamb…
Let all the bells in whoredom ring
All the crooked bitches that she was
(Mongers of pain)
Saw the moon
Become a fang
Your funeral, my trial

Weeping Song
Go son, go down to the water
And see the women weeping there
Then go up into the mountains
The men, they are weeping too

Father, why are all the women weeping?
They are weeping for their men
Then why are all the men there weeping?
They are weeping back at them

This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While all the men and women sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won’t be weeping long

Father, why are all the children weeping?
They are merely crying son
O, are they merely crying, father?
Yes, true weeping is yet to come

This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While all the men and women sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won’t be weeping long

O father tell me, are you weeping?
Your face seems wet to touch
O then I’m so sorry, father
I never thought I hurt you so much

This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While we rock ourselves to sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won’t be weeping long
But I won’t be weeping long
But I won’t be weeping long
But I won’t be weeping long

Death is not the end
When you’re sad and when you’re lonely
And you haven’t got a friend
Just remember that death is not the end

And all that you held sacred
Falls down and does not mend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end

When you’re standing on the crossroads
That you cannot comprehend
Just remember that death is not the end

And all your dreams have vanished
And you don’t know what’s up the bend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end

When the storm clouds gather round you
And heavy rains descend
Just remember that death is not the end

And there’s no-one there to comfort you
With a helping hand to lend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end

For the tree of life is growing
Where the spirit never dies
And the bright light of salvation
Up in dark and empty skies
When the cities are on fire
With the burning flesh of men
Just remember that death is not the end

When you search in vain to find
Some law-abiding citizen
Just remember that death is not the end

weird how when I was a teenager (back in the old skool day) I would buy one cassette and listen to it over and over (for months). I can’t imagine doing that nowadays. there’s so much music available you should really never ever have to listen to a bad song, yet I still do.

Charlie Norris

After the driest warmest April ever it’s now the rainiest May ever (ok I made that up – however I do have to point out that Germans didn’t invent weather, but they did invent complaining about the weather). I took a walk in the rain today and it was nice. Kind of felt like Oregon for a minute. I love sitting outside in the cold and/or rain with coffee, but I think this must be a strange thing to the Germans. As I was sitting outside at Starbucks at like 19:00 the dude came out to lock out the outdoor tables…what’s that about? I wasn’t ready to leave yet.
I had to come home and sit on my balcony instead….Tai Chi people are still at it.

Also took out a trainfull of bratty kids with a single roundhaus to their collective heads….It was like Chuck Norris was in the haus….
(Chuck Norris is the only known man to be able to survive huffing a cheetah at birth, as well as being the only entity to survive huffing a cheetah laced with cracked corn (except possibly Mr. T, but there is no documentation on Mr. T’s use of kittens or cracked corn.)

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris
In 1968, Chuck fought and won the World Professional Middleweight Karate championships by defeating the World’s Top Fighters, which included Batman, Superman, Butt Knocker, TMNT, Big Boss, Tintin, Popeye, Bruce Wayne, Shaq, Aaron Carter, Stalin, all of G-Unit, Tupac Shakur, George Bush, Mr. T, all of New York City, Gerald Ford, Godzilla, and even his shadow form

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