modest mouse and nick cave lyrics….read them and tell me how they possibly fit those into a melodic song let alone something catchy…

Carl is fearful for his life….look what happened to Ernie….
Will I remember what random statements like that mean if I read them in a week or two??? Probably not…

(So Johnny Depp walks into a bar)

music festivals are about neither camping (which I like) nor about music (which i love) They are more about “Deine Mutter is so fat” jokes and playing music at the campsite 24 hours a day. Amazing how one person can take a mediocre experience and turn it into something better than great.

(and he sees a midget, the pope and the queen)

On the agenda of the workshop in Poland it actually says
“08:05 – 09:20  Relationship Building”
I guess this is so we can all be friends before we start finger pointing and stuff…

(no wait a minute….did I mention that it’s about  the year 1890?)

I saw a German man buying a magazine called traktor…yes folks….they actually make a magazine for tractor lovers in Germany…

(…anyways…he walks up to the pope…oh wait…did I mention he has a blue horse…that’s important…and the horse is tied up outside the saloon…which is called Maggies Saloon anyways….where was I?)

Jethro Tull is playing “Night of the Prog 2” somewhere near Frankfurt…Didn’t get a chance to take a picture of the poster cuz I was on the strassenbahn.

(The midget shoots the queen, strangles the pope… and says……………………………………………………………….uhhh crap….)

Can someone make my fingers stop smelling like Garlic….

(……….Oh wait…..wait a minute…waitaminute….WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I’ve had two actual homecooked meals in the past week….what’s that about….I think I’ve had two the whole rest of the time I’ve been in Germany – food only from a frying pan or a pub doesn’t count.

(It was something about blue horses, midgets or Crispin Glover….I can’t remember now)

I made the comment Thursday night that it doesn’t really rain in Germany (comparing here to Oregon). Well it finally rained in Germany…on Thursday and Friday…I’m not so fond of mud anymore…

(oh bother!!!)

A german just told me I really do look younger with a full head of hair…

(so Crispin Glover is covered in Coal and says something about not taking a job or something…)

Giving the finger to someone in Germany, no matter how badly they may
deserve it, is a gesture best avoided. Unless, of course, you want to dish
out a hefty fine and possibly spend two years in a German prison. Section
185 of the German Criminal Code makes it illegal to insult another
individual. The German Supreme Court defines insult as "intentionally
attacking the honor of another person by communicating disrespect." While
most criminal cases involving Section 185 are dismissed before ever going to
trial, monetary compensation awarded to defendants in cases that do,
typically amounts to about 1000 euros, but could be much more depending upon
the severity of the infraction.

So now that my (real) dad reminded me that honest blogs are bad I realize I’ve insulted americans, germans, white people, teachers, Ãœmlåùts, Candians, Mexicans, Saffas, Brits, religion in General, my friends, my family, mustard, red, coultard, the real mr ahmenajad, people who think timmy crouch is a donkey, and probably more, but I can’t be arsed to read back any further in my blog. I stand by whatever I said….you’re all jerks!!! 😉

oh and Italians….

(Crispin Glover played Marty McFly’s dad in back to the future, but he’s actually 3 years younger than Michael j Fox)

sometimes I really need a midget stenographer…

SO dad (pops) is leaving Frankfurt on July 3rd….(jerk) going to Asia somewhere. He will be missed, but of course he had a good bye party we will all remember….I will surely miss him…unfortunately I just can’t express myself so I’ll just say again…I will surely miss him….

Creedence Lyrics: Someday Never Comes

First thing I remember was askin’ papa, “Why?”,
For there were many things I didn’t know.
And Daddy always smiled; took me by the hand,
Sayin’, “Someday you’ll understand.”

CHORUS:
Well, I’m here to tell you now each and ev’ry mother’s son
You better learn it fast; you better learn it young,
‘Cause, “Someday” Never Comes.”

Well, time and tears went by and I collected dust,
For there were many things I didn’t know.
When Daddy went away, he said, “Try to be a man,
And, Someday you’ll understand.”

CHORUS

And then, one day in April, I wasn’t even there,
For there were many things I didn’t know.
A son was born to me; Mama held his hand,
Sayin’ “Someday you’ll understand.”

CHORUS

Think it was September, the year I went away,
For there were many things I didn’t know.
And I still see him standing, try’n’ to be a man;
I said, “Someday you’ll understand.”

So this week is some festival at Alte Oper. Last weekend it was the Bierfest…the week before that the WeinFest, before that the Strassen Fest, and before that the Aussie street fest….Yeah…I expect this will continue all summer….it’s basically like the Bite of Salem every week here….Good grief…I love this city…

So yesterday I got a call from HR because my work permit had expired the day before and HR didn’t have a copy of the new one…They said I couldn’t work until they had it so I got to go home in the morning and bring them some papers…Of course I took the opportunity to stop at Starbucks for the second time in 4 hours…

Some kid puked on the strassenbahn (streetcar). Is it strassenbahn or schnellenbahn????

Convo with kat:
Squires: I had 7 shots of coffee and 4 red bulls today
Kat: that’s not healthy…
squires: Healthier than 10 beers kat
Kat: No, I bet it’s worse than that…

I actually introduced myself as Squires last night. Everyone at work knows me as Joe, but outside of work it’s always Squires…For the past few months people called me squires and I would still introduce myself as joe, but last night I actually was introduced to someone and I said “Squires – nice to meet you”.
I guess that means the fams wins….

He brought sexy back biaaaatch!!!!

Big Ben’s going away party was Saturday night….Big Ben is from Liverpool and he was here for a 1 year study/internship thingy…I probably met him at a ma’amchester United game. A great lad. He will be missed. This is the bad thing about Ffm. People come and go.

I will write more about Ben later, but since xanga is down I can’t steal anything from anyone at the moment…I’ll upload this now, but the page will look much edited in the next day or two…

“Hot Fuzz” is finally opening here…yay!!!! watch “Spaced” and “Shaun of the Dead” to appreciate this movie…actually I haven’t even seen it yet….So I’ll report later.

Another follow up conversation as recorded by Kat. If anyone actually read my version of this conversation it was about 1 sentence, but much more entertaining here…I do have to dispute that Dad came up with Jack the Ripper…that one was mine first. Keep reading for gloating below…

vladi asks us if we could come up with a black guy named “jack.”

vladi: “i bet you can’t think of a black guy named jack. there are NO black guys named jack.”

squires: “jackie joyce kerner. jackie owens.”

vladi: “that’s jackie. not jack.”

squires: “jack johnson.”

vladi: “he’s hawaiian.”

dad: “jack the ripper. michael jackson.”

me: “michael jackson’s white.”

dad: “oh yeah. you’re right.”

squires: “jack and the beanstalk.”

dad: “who? oh yeah…the guy that climbed the beanstalk. who the **** (edited for the yanks-jjs) would do that?”

squires: “he traded in his cow for five beans.”

me: “it wasn’t a cow…!”

squires: “yeah it was. a cow. he took the cow to town.”

me: (laughing) “he took the cow to town?”

squires: “he did. and he traded in the cow for five beans.”

me: “they were three beans.”

squires: “matt! jack and the beanstalk. he took the cow into town and traded in the cow for five beans.”

matt: “yeah. for three beans.”

me: “see? three beans, squires.”

i have no idea why that conversation even progressed the way it did.

squires: “jack daniels.”

dad: (laughing) “yeah.”

uncle tony: “jack dempsey. the black boxer.”

there you go. a black guy named jack.

Joe-  NOW for a little gloating on my part…Jack Johnson was black and I came up with it. Here’s his pic.

Jack Dempsey (uncle Tony’s supposed right answer) is white (below – I wish I had hair like that dude) – I once uttered the phrase ‘ When I’m president I’m gonna kill whitey” AND “I’ll celebrate thanksgiving when we move all the white people to North Dakota” AND “All white people to North Dakota please”…OK maybe I’m rambling at this point…

Also found this summary of a jack and the beanstalk movie on amazon.com…Please note people that in this version Jack traded 5 magic beans for is cow…However I do admit that the movie could quite possibly have changed the story at will.

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK is a fine installment in the FAERIE TALE THEATRE series, though it’s hardly one of the best. Dennis Christopher leads the cast as the young lad with big dreams and a handful of magic beans.

Jack (Dennis Christopher) lives with his loving-but frazzled mother (SOAP’s Katherine Helmond) in near poverty. The only thing left of value for them to sell is Jack’s beloved cow Spot. Reluctantly, Jack sets off to market with the cow when he meets a strange old man who offers him 5 magic beans in exchange for the animal. When Jack returns home, his mother chides him for his foolishness and the beans are tossed outside…where they sprout into an enormous beanstalk that leads to a castle in the sky owned by an evil Giant (Elliott Gould). Jack’s adventures have only just begun!

Jean Stapleton and Mark Blankfield fill out the cast. Katherine Helmond is wasted in the role of Jack’s mother, though Jean Stapleton makes the role of the disgruntled Giantess into a scene-stealer. Jerry Hall briefly appears as the face inside the magical harp.

I really don’t care about being right or not, but I get no respect…:)  No really I don’t care about being right…really

CCR’s “Long as I can see the light” just came on and since this is going to be the longest blog entry ever (because of me pasting stuff) I’m just going to put the lyrics in…
Nor sure why but I’ve always loved this song…
Can anyone define what a home really is?

Put a candle in the window, cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though Im going, going, Ill be coming home soon,
long as I can see the light.

Pack my bag and lets get movin, cause Im bound to drift a while.
When Im gone, gone, you dont have to worry long,
long as I can see the light.

Guess Ive got that old travlin bone, cause this feelin wont leave me alone.
But I wont, wont be losin my way, no, no
long as I can see the light.

Yeah! yeah! yeah! oh, yeah!

Put a candle in the window, cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though Im going, going, Ill be coming home soon,
Long as I can see the light.

Things I said this week

I’m not fond of pickles.
Greenland is Iceland without bjork.

I know what you’re thinking…it’s not funny…
I concur…

My mom asked what an unlaut is…I tried to explain it (with my very limited understanding), but I think this is better…

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Umlaut

Umlaut (also spelled as ümlaut, umläut, or ümläüt)

refers to a sound change in Germanic languages, including Norse that drives speakers of non-Germanic languages crazy. For example, goose sounds perfectly fine to a speaker of Japanese or Spanish, while geese drives him crazy. While on the contrary, speakers of Germanic languages already know that Japanese people are crazy. The umlaut was invented by Icelandic singer Björk in 1973.

Ümläüts äre mändätöry för üse in näming bäd heävy metäl bänds.

In the Germän längüäge there äre önly Ümläüts like: ä, ü, ö, Ä, Ü, Ö

Ümläüts äre älsö üsed äs ä förm öf resöürce in mäny äreäs, älthöügh möst äre böüght änd üsed by IKEA, whö is determined, in their qüest tö döminäte the wörld, tö cömmit ümläüticide. This is nöt prötested by änybödy, änd the ümläüt is cönsidered pöintless by everybödy except the Germäns whö reälly häve nö säy in any förm öf genöcide ät this pöint in time.

In 1920 Ottatörrk imporrted teh Ömlöut intö der türkish längüitch. Ãœt’s üse üs mändatörry since thän.

The umlaut has been referred to as the “thinking laut”

The physical manifestation of an umlaut .

OR

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Cml%C3%A4%C3%BC%E1%BA%97

Ümläüẗs ärë sẗrängë döẗs sömëẗïmës föünd flöäẗïng mÿsẗërïöüslÿ övër vöẅëls ön ẗḧë prïnẗëd pägë, änd älsö övër sömë cönsönänẗs ḧërë. Ïn cömmön ẅrïẗẗën Ënglïsḧ, ümläüẗs ärë öfẗën üsëd ẗö ädd än ëẍöẗïc förëïgn löök ẗö cömmön ẅörds änd pḧräsës, änd göürmëẗ rësẗäüränẗs öfẗën üsë ẗḧëm ïn ördër ẗö jüsẗïfÿ ḧïgḧër prïcës. (Ä lobster dinner, för ëẍämplë, mïgḧẗ cösẗ €̈24.00 äẗ ä dëcënẗ Bösẗön rësẗäüränẗ, büẗ ä löbsẗër dïnnër cän fëẗcḧ äẗ lëäsẗ €35.00).

ẗḧësë sẗrängë lëẗẗërs ärë älsö öfẗën üsëd ïn sẗrängë förëïgn längüägës. Gërmäns üsë thëm tö chängë vöwël söünds, whïlë spëäkërs öf Spänïsh üsë thëm to härdën thë G söünd, äs ïn pïngüïnö or vërgüënzä.

Öẗḧër üsës

Ïn ẗḧë müsïc ïndüsẗrÿ, ẗḧë prësëncë öf ümläüẗs ïn ẗḧë nämë öf ẗḧë bänd ïndïcäẗës ẗḧäẗ ẗḧë bänd spëcïälïzës ïn ḧëävÿ Mëẗäl ör pössїblÿ kїẗẗën hüffїng.

Ïn sömë pärẗs öf ẗḧë ẅörld, ẗḧë ümläüẗ ïs ä brëäkfäsẗ dïsḧ, mädë bÿ bëäẗïng ëggs övër cërẗäïn lëẗẗërs öf ẗḧë älpḧäbëẗ.

Ä clösë rëläẗïvë öf ẗḧë ümläüẗ (ẅïẗḧ än ëẍẗrä döẗ) ïs üsëd ïn Qüënÿä ẗö sïgnïfÿ ẗḧë prësëncë öf änÿ vöẅël ẗḧë ẅrïẗër cöüldn’ẗ bë böẗḧërëd ẗö ẅrïẗë.

Ãœn 1920 Öttatørrk impörrted tëh Ömlöit intö dër türkish längüitch. Ãœt’s üse üs möndötörry since thän.

Ãœmîé thè Ãœmlåùt sãýs, “Rêmèmbër kîds âlwäýs ûsé ÿõúr dïàcrítìcÃ¥l mârks!” gürsel nakliyat

My task this week is to learn to love the umlaut…I’m too hung up on wondering if I’m saying umlaud or umlaut to move on too loving it….At this point I don’t really have any feelings for the umlaut…sort of like Jack the Ripper…I don’t even know who that is…

It was weird to me when I moved here that you could drink beer on the street or on a bus, train etc….but now it would be weird going to the states and not having the option…nice country you people have over there…:)

I was informed that it’s not Fressegasse it’s fressgasse….fress (= fressen = to eat/devour) and fresse (= ugly face) – apparently a big difference…
more:
‘fresse’ is just a vulgar expression for ‘unhandsome face’. great word: hackfresse.
I can’t wait to practice my german…

I’m single handedly maintaining the entire mosquito population of Germany…not even a thank you card from you pests…

90% humidity is swell!!!