I was in the elevator Friday morning at work with a guy I don’t think I’ve ever talked to but I know he works in the mail department. I broke my badge and I know that the mail group has the badges…
I asked him if he was in the post office and can I have a new badge…
mailman: yes. I’ll bring it to you later.
me: You know where I sit?
mailman: ja
so I go back to my desk and a couple hours later he comes round with an internal office pouch with a badge inside…on the internal office  mail are my initials…
he leaves.
me: geez he knows my initials…
tina: everyone knows you.

so best story ever, but I still find it strange that people at work know me but I don’t know them…it’s kind of annoying actually. I just don’t know what to make of it…

was accosted by a mormon today….he spoke to me in deutsch and I basically got that in a few minutes he was going to play some football at grunerweg park and I think he was inviting me along…I said nein danke and he sort of figured out I was a yank…I told him cheers but I was busy. asked in english where I was from and blah blah…I’m from utah….no shit genius…how did I know that…

He offered me a book or mormon and said it would help in me with my life…as if I was a begger on the zeil….I was on the zeil and maybe I do look homeless from time to time (the portland look), but really….It would be much easier to be rude  to mormons if they weren’t so bloody nice…I’ve known mormons in the past and I really think the ones I’ve worked with and known are sincerely nice, not some act because you can’t fake being that nice for years at a time if  it’s not real.
I have no problem being rude to the loud obnoxious christian guy on the zeil cuy he’s just annoying…(I think I made a comment about his mom last time I walked by and had to listen to him)…but I somehow feel sorry for the mormons…go to a third world or backward country and you’ll have better luck dude.
Why is it that some people “need” a cause in life. This cause needn’t even make them “happy”, but I think lots of people seem empty without a reason…religion, fascism, environmentalism, sports, work, children, sex, love, stamp collecting, pacifism, the rest of us are nihlists I guess (or we don’t recognize that we have a cause or what it is).

BUSH: I’m an optimist because I believe that I’m right. I’m a person at peace with myself.

“We Are Nowhere, And It’s Now”
(feat. Emmylou Harris)

If you hate the taste of wine
Why do you drink it until you’re blind?
And if you swear that there’s no truth and who cares
How come you say it like you’re right?
Why are you scared to dream of god
When it’s salvation that you want?
You see stars that clear have been dead for years
But the idea just lives on

In our wheels that roll around
As we move over the ground
And all day it seems we’ve been in between the past and future town

We are nowhere, and it’s now
We are nowhere, and it’s now
You took a ten-minute dream in the passengers seat
While the world it was flying by
I haven’t been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime

I’ve been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don’t advertise
I’ve been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide

I got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I’m always lost in thought
As I walk a block to my favourite neon sign
Where the waitress looks concerned
But she never says a word
Just turns the jukebox on
And we hum along
And I smile back at her

And my friend comes after work
When the features start to blur
She says these bars are filled with things that kill
And you probably should have learned

Did you forget that yellow bird?
How could you forget your yellow bird?

She took a small silver wreathe and pinned it onto me
She said this one will bring you love
I don’t know if it’s true but I keep it for good luck

i had to find a passage in a book I am reading…
edited slightly be me.

as a result of Sorrow’s tricking him he would come down very hard on belief of any kind. He would become a greater fatalist then Iowa Bob, he would become a greater non-believer than Franny or me. A near-violent atheist Frank would turn to believing only in Fate – in random sorrow or random doom, in arbitrary slapstick and arbitrary sorrow. He would become a preacher against every bill of goods anyone ever sold: from politics to morality, Frank was always for the opposition. By which Frank meant the opposing forces.
but what exactly do those forces oppose?
Just oppose every prediction. Anything anyones for, be against it. Anything anybodys against be for it. You get on a plane and it doesn’t crash, that means you got on the right plane. That’s all it means.
Frank went even further away – somewhere- he went into a  religion more vastly lacking in seriousness than even the established religions. He joined a kind of anti-everything sect.
Or maybe frank founded it. Meaning nihlism, meaning anarchy, meaning trivial silliness and happiness in the face of gloom, meaning depression descending as regularly as night over the most mindless and joyful of days. Frank believed in zap! he believed in surprises. He was in constant attack and retreat, and he was equally, constantly, wide eyed and goofily stumbling about in the sudden sunlights — tripping across the wasteland littered with bodies from the darkness of just a moment ago.